Winter Wonderslam III- December 10th, 2016
Pre-show Announcements : This party-wrestling event is FREE and ALL AGES. 21+ to drink. Material not suitable for children. Live in another city or state? Check out the LIVESTREAM of the event if you can't make it in-person! URL will be posted here the day of the show!] The bell-tines of the WINTERSONG call out, cutting a steely clarion through the night. SLAMTA CLAUS sits perched on an oaken throne, intoning the notes like razor-sharp, errant snowflakes. His hand extends out. His finger points. But not at you...it points...DOWN? He is pointing to a huge hole in the ground - the ingress to THE ICY LAIR! THE ICY LAIR - where the wind is coldest, and the beers flow freest! THE ICY LAIR - where we perform WRESTLING RITUAL at the hour of the solstice! THE ICY LAIR - where we party with fury in the dead of winter! THE ICY LAIR - where MOTHER WORM LIVES! THE ICY LAIR - FROM WHENCE OUR CRIES WILL COAT THE EARTH IN A FINAL MAELSTROM OF ICE! If you don't want to bring about a world-jarring Fimbulwinter, that is also fine! This is pretty much just a party you can go to. BOLD 'N' COLD! Party World Rasslin' is setting up our whole operation in twinkling, beautiful ICE CAVES, and we'd love to have you with us! Let's share the SEASON'S BEATINGS in an evening of EXTREME FELLOWSHIP! This Party and WRESTLING MEGAEVENT features goofed-out, athletic fall-downs and CASQUE-STRENGTH YELLING! SNOW MERCY! Here is the evenings FRION-CHILLED Rasslin' Card! **THE FOAMSTER MEMORIAL FOAM FUMBLE** -PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH- ----------------------------------------------------------------- OVER A DOZEN WRESTLERS all in one ring! We honor the memory of the carpet-foam clad FOAMSTER as we determine who has THE HEART OF A CHAMPION! PWR's greatest heros will enter, one at a time, into the frosty warzone, and battle until only one remains! Who will be in it?! Some you'll probably guess, others you'll have to wait and see! We can reveal one entrant, though... Our current PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION, DOCK MASTER! We will seed the entrance-orders to make sure this is THE MOST EQUITABLE COMPETITION IMAGINABLE!* Massively high stakes, ya'll! It's Christmas Charlie Frown, featuring Super Wizard Space Lizard ----------------------------------------------------------------- In a "True Meaning of Christmas LADDER MATCH," the horrifying, sentient cartoon known as CHARLIE FROWN takes on SPACE LIZARD SUPER WIZARD! The high-flying alien has a lot to learn about Earth holidays. But then again, maybe Charlie Frown does, too! They'll find the reason for the season...WITH WRESTLING! The PRIMO FAMILY CHAMPIONS vs. The NARRC -Best Friends Forever Title Match - ----------------------------------------------------------------- Luigi Primo and Pastaman are two masters of Italian food and tag team wrestling. But their opponents, the NORTH AMERICAN RAILROAD COMMISSION, have barreled through PWR like a freight train! This meatball...it's too spicy! The Suplex Predators vs. Mrs. Fennenbaum and Hubert ----------------------------------------------------------------- Let's set the stage:Dazza Longbarrel and Booma the Tiger have come from a land down under. These two hunters are here to stalk the biggest game of all - championship gold! Two competitors stand in their way. Mrs. Fennenbaum, a renegade elementary-school teacher, and Hubert, her one student! Hubert is a fully-grown man. This month's lesson? TIGER ANATOMY! The brutal Mrs. F wants nothing less than to dissect Booma in front of Hubert! And Dazza, for that matter! Buh! A message from Pink Eye Champion ----------------------------------------------------------------- PWR's GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION, Pink Eye has a couple things to say. Here's a filthy holiday gift that we can't wait to receive! Will she announce her next challenger? Will she just go nuts and throw trash everywhere? Find out...on December 10th! Necro Zahkey CHAMPION vs. ???? ----------------------------------------------------------------- Uh Oh! BARON ZAHKEY has been corrupted (or EMPOWERED?) beyond recognition by the power of the NECROBELT! We had hoped to book him against Randy "the Eagle" Eagleman. However, due to Randy's early retirement, we don't know what will become of this match. Who dares defy the holder of the NECROBELT? It literally eats human souls! DadBod Presents: Infobattles LIVE ----------------------------------------------------------------- The former Garbageweight champion has reserved a segment in order to "tell the sheeple what's really happening." We're not sure why we're allowing it, or what he's going to say! Prepare for some HIGH POWERED CLAIMS, SERIOUS OPINIONS and MAXIMUM VITRIOL! ...PLUS MORE! Look out for Theodosia, Chad Blitz, Hot Dog, Hundo Supreme, California Howdy, Bench Horse, Kippy (Aged 13), Big Daddy Bolero, and plenty of surprises! In the true Wintermas spirit, PWR is proud to announce a FOOD DRIVE benefiting SAFE Austin -- bring non-persihable food and donate it to recieve a special Art Card! Acceptable food donations can be found here: http://www.safeaustin.org/2016/09/15/food-donations-in-time-for-the-holidays/ http://www.safeaustin.org/ for more information on SAFE Austin! *Hellsport, INC informed us yesterday that they will be booking the order of entrances. That's probably fine, right?! Dang. Post-show Announcements: A HEART STOLEN...A NEW PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION CROWNED...THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS LEARNED...FRIENDSHIPS SHATTERED....A HORSE BEFUDDLED...DARKWAR REIGNS…. Multiverse - things went wrong in the worst possible way this past Saturday at WINTER WONDERSLAM. Dan "The Man" Ziglar reclaimed the World Partyweight Championship in arguably the most unsporting and borderline - illegal way ever. Even worse, HELLSPORT corporation has uploaded a cutting-edge AI that is infecting all our data. Soon SLAMNET will have total control over PWR. Timmy Quivers is dead, probably permanently this time. It's extremely messed up. Things aren't good! But that doesn't mean we can't celebrate the IMMENSE VICTORIES, HEROIC STRUGGLES, AND EPIC FELLOWSHIP we achieved this night. The evening began with horrible news - Mother Worm was sick, her heart rotten with poison! But SLAMTA CLAUSE saved the day - with the gift of a new heart! Many Trve Kvltists fell into obeisant SNAKESPLOSIONS, showering the crowd in serpents, Including actually City Councilman Greg Casar! ***KIPPY DEFEATS WET SLAMBITS, PROTECTS TIP JAR After Timmy Quivers emerged from his own fossilized skeleton, things started getting "good and normal!" Kippy, aged 13, found herself left HOME ALONE in the ring, left by her corporate guardians. The WET SLAMBITS attacked the lone teen in a vicious display of rassle-burglary! The shrewd and sassy Kippy employed her usual array of traps. She finally cinched up a victory by culture shocking the SLAMBITS with teen-style music! ***SPACE LIZARD SUPER WIZARD GIVES GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP The Holiday Hasslin' continued...as SPACE LIZARD SUPER WIZARD took on CHARLIE FROWN in a True-Meaning-of-Christmas ladder match! The ladders may have been 3-feet tall, but the violence was massive! In the end, SPACE LIZARD gave the ultimate gift. Even though Frown immediately forgot the lesson he learned, WE didn't, and the cries of FRIENDSHIP filled the night! ***MOTHER WORM'S HEART DEFILED A startling turn of events broke our jubilation - Jeffistopholes and HELLSPORT, inc, showed up. They poured Hellsport ' s newest flavor, BLACK, on Mother worm’s Heart - and then stole it! Oh, horror of horrors! Literal heartbreak grasped the crowd. ***SUPLEX PREDATORS DEFEAT MRS. FENNENBAUM AND HUBERT, BAFFLE A HORSE Our baffled horror continued as disgraced elementary school teacher Mrs. Fennenbaum took to the ring. She sought to teach a sickening lesson to her lone, manchild-student, Hubert. The lesson: Live tiger dissection! Unluckily for them, their target was BOOMA, who, along with his best friend, the Australian hunter DAZZA LONGBARREL, make up the Suplex Predators! The two tag teams clashed in a blood-curdling display. Ultimately, the power of Aussie friendship conquered scholastic chicanery! Not even a run-in by BENCH HORSE, the horse who bench presses, could stop the Predators! The Horse continues to try and kill Dazza - but today was not his day. ***DUMPSTER BABES SPLIT IN SHOCKING REVELATION Our Garbageweight Champion, Pinkeye, then came to the ring with boyfriend Babyface to celebrate her new status as Top Trash. Taking a knee, she was poised to ask her long-time tag partner a very big question when Hellsport Jeff crashed the scene once again. Jeffistopheles took ruthless pleasure in delivering some disturbing news about the assumed nature of the Dumpster Babes' relationship. If DadBod is not, in fact, the father of Babyface - does that make the Dumpster Babes a "normal couple?" ***NARRC DEFEATS PRIMO FAMILY, CLAIM BFF BELTS Speaking of breakups, the next match truly broke up our insides. Pastaman and Luigi Primo, the Primo Family, put their BFF CHAMPIONSHIP BELTS on the line against the NARRC, the North American Railroad Commission! Luigi's attempts to steal the spotlight and prove his superiority sabotaged his team - and his impure heart kept the BFF BELTS from working their FRIENDSHIP MAGIC! Pastaman flew like a jet-fueled meatball, but it wasn't enough to stop the fury of TRAINLAW. We have new BFF CHAMPIONS...the NARRC! ***DADBOD DEFEATS ARBITRO OBSCURO, PUGGIN' HEAD RETURNS The action in the icy caverns KEPT HEATING UP! Dadbod waged his INFOBATTLES against the Multiverse..and no one was happy! But then - PWR'S VIGILANTE REF-STLER, ARBITRO OBSCURO, challenged The Bod to a match. The thrilling spectacle ended in Dadbod ' s favor - with Arbitro himself counting to 3! But then, just as Dadbod was set to get off scot-free from his atrocities of mouth and body, PUGGIN'HEAD ROSE FROM THE STAGE, FULLY HEALED AND READY TO RASSLE! A match was made for Wrestleslam III... ***ZAHKEY DEFEATS RANDY EAGLEMAN, RETAINS NECROWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Puggin' Head wasn't the only wrestler to return that night. Randy "the Eagle" Eagleman returned from a brief retirement, rising like a phoenix from the ashen snow! His opponent was the corrupted, partially undead, power-mad NECRO ZAHKEY! He entered in unsettling NECRO ARMOR, flanked by his skeletal minions! Randy's exceptional rasslin' ability temporarily overwhelmed the Red Monster. But Zahkey, the NECROWEIGHT CHAMPION of PWR, used his store of power from chemicals and the absorbed souls of others to crush poor Eagleman! Is his flight over for good?? ***DAN "THE MAN" ZIGLAR WINS FOAM FUMBLE, PARTYWEIGHT BELT Finally, a match to end all matches took place - the venerable FOAM FUMBLE! Bull DeCroix continued his Train-terror! Chad Blitz rose like a filthy wave, his absorbed twin in stark relief! The Dock Master stood stolidly. Hot Dog fought himself, and others! Big Daddy Bolero gave some lariats - hooked as his mustache. Goldie the mutant goldfish slimed and flopped a path of terror. Babyface left his own trail of filth, and heroism?! Theodosia kicked many a head and neck! Hundo Supreme counted towards his sacred number! CHICKEN FRIEND tried to force people to eat chicken. JAZZ WOLF played a saxophone! It was some truly heroic fumbling. Finally, only Dock Master and Theodosia remained. The next entrant was...Dan "the Man" Ziglar! But he didn't step into the ring. Instead, he announced the TRUE final entrant...DEEPSLAM 4.20! This furious robot, powered by the heart of Mother Worm and several other artifacts, flew against our heroes. For the second time in Dock Master's life, a machine defeated him. Just as Theo looked like she might be able to mount some offense, Dan finally entered the ring, eliminating Theo before she could even react. The coup among Dan and Deepslam was revealed. The robot left the ring on Dan's command - making Ziglar our Partyweight Champion. The Hellsport Retinue assembled to congratulate their champion, Dan, and their enforcer, Deepslam. SLAMNET was brought online, cementing Hellsport's grip on PWR, wrestling, and perhaps the world. Timmy Quivers was mocked and beckoned to close the show, but he only had defiant screams of HAIL MOTHER WORM for his oppressors! And so did we! Quivers was beaten to death in the ring before our eyes, by Hellsport's Slambots. Theodosia entered the ring and stood nose to nose with Deepslam, defiant against Hellsport. But Dan spoke partially true words - one person with an axe could not defeat Deepslam, the Slambots, Hellsport and himself. At least not then. Hellsport and Dan left, victorious. Dockmaster and Hotdog joined Theo over the body of Timmy Quivers. They spoke of lost hope, and of suplexing for those who cannot suplex. Theodosia gave a final word of resistance, and led us all in proclaiming the truth. What happens when machines wage war against flesh? FLESH FIGHTS BACK! A soft, indoor snowfall coated the ring. The Darkwar is upon us. Thanks for coming, we're sorry that a daemonic corporation unleashed an extremely advanced AI against the world. We'll work on this. See you in March! Category:Show